He who is without sin......

*sigh* Okay after a barrage of this particular news being discussed and manhandled for the last couple days I feel is about time that someone have a BALANCED viewpoint on the matter. And who more qualified than myself. Why, you ask am I qualified to speak on Fantasia Barrino's behalf? Because I was her. And there is a lot more "her's" out there. There your sister's and your auntie's and mother's even. And to vilify this young lady as if she has committed some unspeakable crime is asinine to me.

She was involved with a married man. I know, let the gasps abound. It a moral dilemma of epic proportions to try and rationalize what is okay and not okay for a person to do in a situation you DON'T know personally and if it was you...have no idea what would happen. Oh everyone can take the high road when it isn't YOUR actions up for debate. I feel for this sister. My heart hurts for her so bad. I know that pain, that embarrassment, that feeling of rejection of feeling foolish. Of loving someone so bad that the thought of them not loving you back is...unbearable.

I went through a similar thing last year. As stated in prior blogs, I was involved with someone who was involved with someone else. Consequently he moved on and married and I moved on as well, but not without some serious growing pains. Some that I almost didn't make it through. I remember being so down that I thought nothing could pull me out. There was much more to my pain than just this man however, I would've been appalled if the people in my life were as callous and unfeeling as to feel my pain was justified.

First, I don't think that people belong to other people. Despite legal marriage binding you to a person, you still are a sole entity put on the earth for your soul journey. Who you meet on the way does not have the right to "own" you, nor you the right to "own" anybody else. If you don't agree with slavery how can you feel justified possessing a mate? I've said it once and I'll say it again, you cannot always control the circumstances in which you meet someone you care about. The social stigma of such a thing, especially and specifically in this case, the African American community can be so damning until it will destroy any happiness you may have had before you feel it.

Let's get this straight, I am by no means justifying what Fantasia or any other woman did simply because WE ARE NOT THEM AND WE REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON! But I will say that name calling, and blaming the third party is and has always been the wrong thing to do. The only person who has an obligation in an affair is the married person. It is up to the person who has taken a vow to uphold it, not random women or men in the street. And despite popular belief, marriages fail, people have a right to move on. The notion that everything was fine 'till along came Sally is farce. You cannot "break up" a happy home, there has to be a window someplace, a longing somewhere or else there would be nothing to gather on. I know my stance is an unpopular one but its a truthful one. People are quick to judge and what's so unfortunate is we could've lost this sweet beautiful sister. Then what? What would any of us have to say had she DIED?!?!? *smh* People need to think before they speak because I'm sure if we were to search your past, we'd find some questionable decisions in them as well. So as you stand there with your stones firmly in hand...ask yourself...what if it was you or someone you loved?