Us vs Them????

So while astrolling the blog circuit I made my way around to Necolebitchie.com where there was an interesting article, though not in depth about the debate of natural vs. relaxed hair. Mkay so apparently Ms. Jilly from Philly went to a class reunion and was photographed looking well lets say it wasn't the thick natural fro we've grown to love. However, I was upset to hear people bash the beautiful singer for her choice of follicle styling. One, that's not the first time she's straightened her hair or worn straight styles, "Why Did I Get Married?" anyone? Two even if for a moment she did abandon the fro does that automatically constitute treason in the sista circle? What about all the years she has been natural. Isn't she allowed to switch up her style from time to time?

The article on Necole's site didn't really get in depth, probably because Necole herself is not a natural sista (at least not from the photos of her I've seen) and her website isn't a natural hair blog. But for those of us who ARE a part of the natural hair community (and it is in fact a community, ever run into another natural sista and nod and smile with understanding?) is right for us to judge if someone decides to "jump ship" and get back on the creamy crack?

This is a double edged sword for me simply because just this morning my sister informed me that she has abandoned her year long transitioning period and went back to relaxing. The militant natural in me wanted to berate her with how bad it is for her hair and how she was once again damaging her locks for the sake of assimilation. But you know what I really did. I said, "Okay" and moved on with the conversation. Because despite how I feel about her choice in hairstyle, I still love her and she's still a wonderful person. I think Michelle Obama is a great role model for young women, hot press and all. But will I encourage people to or straighten my natural locks ever again. That would be a big Hell-NO! But there's a reason. I love my natural hair and am taking a stand to really let my true self be seen as beautiful. I am confident enough to be okay with the fact that "my hair don't fall down to my shoulders...and it might not grow". And I'm still beautiful!

However a division between women is already varied and plentiful, can the way we wear our hair NOT be another factor. If your natural and proud of it, why not show that, embrace who you are while still loving others for expressing themselves the way the have the right to. Spread love, not hate and judgment. It's too easy to talk about what other people need to be doing. You just DO YOU! And enjoy the fact that we're not all the same and that okay. And you and your straight hair is alright with me, Jill!

On a More Positive Note

Okay you know something else I realized? Miserable is as miserable does. When I first started this blog I did an article called You Are What You Eat! basically saying what you allow into your life, dictates how that life will be portrayed. So speak beauty in the world and you will see beauty in your life. I could focus on all the negative things that have happened and are happening, but how would that better me as a person or the Universe? What people should realize is that there is a system in place to keep people paranoid, angry, at each others throats and spewing negativity of all kinds.

Today I'm gonna do my best to combat that. Because a truly beautiful human experience cannot be had without compassion, peace and love. Those things make a wonderful and fulfilling life. Wasting time talking about what other ought not to be doing is a waste of yours. Why not spread some love. Give someone a hug, smile, tell someone you love them. Spread love and the world will be a much more beautiful place. I know to some it sounds cliche but its true? Look around you, there's beauty all over the place. Why focus on the negative of human experience or the shallowness of greed and surface things. God has blessed us all with the gift of life. Don't squander it being petty. Peace and love.
Chatterbox

He who is without sin......

*sigh* Okay after a barrage of this particular news being discussed and manhandled for the last couple days I feel is about time that someone have a BALANCED viewpoint on the matter. And who more qualified than myself. Why, you ask am I qualified to speak on Fantasia Barrino's behalf? Because I was her. And there is a lot more "her's" out there. There your sister's and your auntie's and mother's even. And to vilify this young lady as if she has committed some unspeakable crime is asinine to me.

She was involved with a married man. I know, let the gasps abound. It a moral dilemma of epic proportions to try and rationalize what is okay and not okay for a person to do in a situation you DON'T know personally and if it was you...have no idea what would happen. Oh everyone can take the high road when it isn't YOUR actions up for debate. I feel for this sister. My heart hurts for her so bad. I know that pain, that embarrassment, that feeling of rejection of feeling foolish. Of loving someone so bad that the thought of them not loving you back is...unbearable.

I went through a similar thing last year. As stated in prior blogs, I was involved with someone who was involved with someone else. Consequently he moved on and married and I moved on as well, but not without some serious growing pains. Some that I almost didn't make it through. I remember being so down that I thought nothing could pull me out. There was much more to my pain than just this man however, I would've been appalled if the people in my life were as callous and unfeeling as to feel my pain was justified.

First, I don't think that people belong to other people. Despite legal marriage binding you to a person, you still are a sole entity put on the earth for your soul journey. Who you meet on the way does not have the right to "own" you, nor you the right to "own" anybody else. If you don't agree with slavery how can you feel justified possessing a mate? I've said it once and I'll say it again, you cannot always control the circumstances in which you meet someone you care about. The social stigma of such a thing, especially and specifically in this case, the African American community can be so damning until it will destroy any happiness you may have had before you feel it.

Let's get this straight, I am by no means justifying what Fantasia or any other woman did simply because WE ARE NOT THEM AND WE REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON! But I will say that name calling, and blaming the third party is and has always been the wrong thing to do. The only person who has an obligation in an affair is the married person. It is up to the person who has taken a vow to uphold it, not random women or men in the street. And despite popular belief, marriages fail, people have a right to move on. The notion that everything was fine 'till along came Sally is farce. You cannot "break up" a happy home, there has to be a window someplace, a longing somewhere or else there would be nothing to gather on. I know my stance is an unpopular one but its a truthful one. People are quick to judge and what's so unfortunate is we could've lost this sweet beautiful sister. Then what? What would any of us have to say had she DIED?!?!? *smh* People need to think before they speak because I'm sure if we were to search your past, we'd find some questionable decisions in them as well. So as you stand there with your stones firmly in hand...ask yourself...what if it was you or someone you loved?

The Curious Case of the Celebrity Concubine

Okay alliteration aside it is a plausible question I've been posing for quite some time. When did simply marrying, engaging or simply sleeping with a celebrity man somehow a star make? What does it say about women, specifically African American young women when the brass ring is to "snag a basketball player"? Have our morals become so unbalanced that somehow simply popping out babies for or being attached to "famous man X,Z" is somehow a way to make a way for yourself?

What happened to the days were women aspired to be y'know somebody in their own right??????? And what does it say about our society that we are reveling in and encouraging women who have really done nothing other been seen with or dated someone who is actually famous for something? And honestly, why are these young men given passes for having arm piece girlfriends and wives, dogging them out, having outside children and then sending them packing for the next one? In a nut shell what I'm saying is we've got to do better.

The entertainment for this generation is becoming increasingly one note. How to date a celebrity, how to keep a celebrity, how to make a name for yourself once you and that celebrity are no longer dating or sleeping with one another! There are so many beautiful black women doing so many GREAT things, without the help of a famous basketball player for a baby's daddy. So please all the beautiful talented goddesses out there, do YOU and whatever man that may come into your life, they will not be your ticket in, they'll just be along for the Fabulous ride that is YOUR life!

Dope!

I give you....Versatility! Amazing. #thatisall

Dope!

The new hot single by phenomenal (underrated!) singer Janelle Monae. She is such a breath of fresh air in music. Her voice is phenomenal and it don't hurt she's gorgeous enough to pull off a video that is just a continuous face shot. Enjoy!

PSA: We're not angry anymore!

At least I am not! There is this ongoing media fueled notion that every time a black man and a white woman cross the paths of a sistah they must fear for their lives. Or worse that the black woman will go on some type of tyrade on how he should be ashamed and SHE "aint nothing but a gold digging white hussy tryna 'steal our men'!" Sound familiar? Well hate to break the news but, for the most part black women....really don't care. I know, I know, a SHOCKER, especially since the way we're portrayed in the media indicates otherwise.

In real life, real life black women have more to worry about or care about than SOMEBODY else's relationship. And even if the skin color of brother man's girl may be fair, it is quite and unfair judgement to assume that because he found love with another race he somehow hates his own. This may be the case sometimes, but in others it simply ISN'T. My younger brother had a hot and heavy thing with a white girl in high school, and a couple of other white girlfriends and still thinks that myself and my mother and my sister are the most beautiful things in the world. Making sweeping generalizations about a person's character because of their choice in mate, or something as shallow as skin color is a recipe for disaster. I hear sisters go on and on about how the "black man" is "choosing" other races of women outside of their own. And as someone who completely endorses and supports black love I definitely feel there is a complex with a man of any race who USES WOMEN as a status symbol or just an exercising of his right to all 32 flavors. But I am definitely more of a fan of LOVE than a person who is particular about what shade it comes in.

Real love, is a beautiful thing. And if I, my sister, my aunt or the random sistah on the street were to choose to date outside of there "race", I'd be totally supportive and understanding. Same goes to any brother. As long as intentions are pure and love is true. Nothing should be a hindrance to a man or woman finding love. Color notwithstanding!!!!

And random brother on the street I have yet to meet and your non-black wife or girlfriend, this is one black woman you can rest assured will smile and your direction and keep moving in my own.