Us vs Them????

So while astrolling the blog circuit I made my way around to Necolebitchie.com where there was an interesting article, though not in depth about the debate of natural vs. relaxed hair. Mkay so apparently Ms. Jilly from Philly went to a class reunion and was photographed looking well lets say it wasn't the thick natural fro we've grown to love. However, I was upset to hear people bash the beautiful singer for her choice of follicle styling. One, that's not the first time she's straightened her hair or worn straight styles, "Why Did I Get Married?" anyone? Two even if for a moment she did abandon the fro does that automatically constitute treason in the sista circle? What about all the years she has been natural. Isn't she allowed to switch up her style from time to time?

The article on Necole's site didn't really get in depth, probably because Necole herself is not a natural sista (at least not from the photos of her I've seen) and her website isn't a natural hair blog. But for those of us who ARE a part of the natural hair community (and it is in fact a community, ever run into another natural sista and nod and smile with understanding?) is right for us to judge if someone decides to "jump ship" and get back on the creamy crack?

This is a double edged sword for me simply because just this morning my sister informed me that she has abandoned her year long transitioning period and went back to relaxing. The militant natural in me wanted to berate her with how bad it is for her hair and how she was once again damaging her locks for the sake of assimilation. But you know what I really did. I said, "Okay" and moved on with the conversation. Because despite how I feel about her choice in hairstyle, I still love her and she's still a wonderful person. I think Michelle Obama is a great role model for young women, hot press and all. But will I encourage people to or straighten my natural locks ever again. That would be a big Hell-NO! But there's a reason. I love my natural hair and am taking a stand to really let my true self be seen as beautiful. I am confident enough to be okay with the fact that "my hair don't fall down to my shoulders...and it might not grow". And I'm still beautiful!

However a division between women is already varied and plentiful, can the way we wear our hair NOT be another factor. If your natural and proud of it, why not show that, embrace who you are while still loving others for expressing themselves the way the have the right to. Spread love, not hate and judgment. It's too easy to talk about what other people need to be doing. You just DO YOU! And enjoy the fact that we're not all the same and that okay. And you and your straight hair is alright with me, Jill!

On a More Positive Note

Okay you know something else I realized? Miserable is as miserable does. When I first started this blog I did an article called You Are What You Eat! basically saying what you allow into your life, dictates how that life will be portrayed. So speak beauty in the world and you will see beauty in your life. I could focus on all the negative things that have happened and are happening, but how would that better me as a person or the Universe? What people should realize is that there is a system in place to keep people paranoid, angry, at each others throats and spewing negativity of all kinds.

Today I'm gonna do my best to combat that. Because a truly beautiful human experience cannot be had without compassion, peace and love. Those things make a wonderful and fulfilling life. Wasting time talking about what other ought not to be doing is a waste of yours. Why not spread some love. Give someone a hug, smile, tell someone you love them. Spread love and the world will be a much more beautiful place. I know to some it sounds cliche but its true? Look around you, there's beauty all over the place. Why focus on the negative of human experience or the shallowness of greed and surface things. God has blessed us all with the gift of life. Don't squander it being petty. Peace and love.
Chatterbox

He who is without sin......

*sigh* Okay after a barrage of this particular news being discussed and manhandled for the last couple days I feel is about time that someone have a BALANCED viewpoint on the matter. And who more qualified than myself. Why, you ask am I qualified to speak on Fantasia Barrino's behalf? Because I was her. And there is a lot more "her's" out there. There your sister's and your auntie's and mother's even. And to vilify this young lady as if she has committed some unspeakable crime is asinine to me.

She was involved with a married man. I know, let the gasps abound. It a moral dilemma of epic proportions to try and rationalize what is okay and not okay for a person to do in a situation you DON'T know personally and if it was you...have no idea what would happen. Oh everyone can take the high road when it isn't YOUR actions up for debate. I feel for this sister. My heart hurts for her so bad. I know that pain, that embarrassment, that feeling of rejection of feeling foolish. Of loving someone so bad that the thought of them not loving you back is...unbearable.

I went through a similar thing last year. As stated in prior blogs, I was involved with someone who was involved with someone else. Consequently he moved on and married and I moved on as well, but not without some serious growing pains. Some that I almost didn't make it through. I remember being so down that I thought nothing could pull me out. There was much more to my pain than just this man however, I would've been appalled if the people in my life were as callous and unfeeling as to feel my pain was justified.

First, I don't think that people belong to other people. Despite legal marriage binding you to a person, you still are a sole entity put on the earth for your soul journey. Who you meet on the way does not have the right to "own" you, nor you the right to "own" anybody else. If you don't agree with slavery how can you feel justified possessing a mate? I've said it once and I'll say it again, you cannot always control the circumstances in which you meet someone you care about. The social stigma of such a thing, especially and specifically in this case, the African American community can be so damning until it will destroy any happiness you may have had before you feel it.

Let's get this straight, I am by no means justifying what Fantasia or any other woman did simply because WE ARE NOT THEM AND WE REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON! But I will say that name calling, and blaming the third party is and has always been the wrong thing to do. The only person who has an obligation in an affair is the married person. It is up to the person who has taken a vow to uphold it, not random women or men in the street. And despite popular belief, marriages fail, people have a right to move on. The notion that everything was fine 'till along came Sally is farce. You cannot "break up" a happy home, there has to be a window someplace, a longing somewhere or else there would be nothing to gather on. I know my stance is an unpopular one but its a truthful one. People are quick to judge and what's so unfortunate is we could've lost this sweet beautiful sister. Then what? What would any of us have to say had she DIED?!?!? *smh* People need to think before they speak because I'm sure if we were to search your past, we'd find some questionable decisions in them as well. So as you stand there with your stones firmly in hand...ask yourself...what if it was you or someone you loved?

The Curious Case of the Celebrity Concubine

Okay alliteration aside it is a plausible question I've been posing for quite some time. When did simply marrying, engaging or simply sleeping with a celebrity man somehow a star make? What does it say about women, specifically African American young women when the brass ring is to "snag a basketball player"? Have our morals become so unbalanced that somehow simply popping out babies for or being attached to "famous man X,Z" is somehow a way to make a way for yourself?

What happened to the days were women aspired to be y'know somebody in their own right??????? And what does it say about our society that we are reveling in and encouraging women who have really done nothing other been seen with or dated someone who is actually famous for something? And honestly, why are these young men given passes for having arm piece girlfriends and wives, dogging them out, having outside children and then sending them packing for the next one? In a nut shell what I'm saying is we've got to do better.

The entertainment for this generation is becoming increasingly one note. How to date a celebrity, how to keep a celebrity, how to make a name for yourself once you and that celebrity are no longer dating or sleeping with one another! There are so many beautiful black women doing so many GREAT things, without the help of a famous basketball player for a baby's daddy. So please all the beautiful talented goddesses out there, do YOU and whatever man that may come into your life, they will not be your ticket in, they'll just be along for the Fabulous ride that is YOUR life!

Dope!

I give you....Versatility! Amazing. #thatisall

Dope!

The new hot single by phenomenal (underrated!) singer Janelle Monae. She is such a breath of fresh air in music. Her voice is phenomenal and it don't hurt she's gorgeous enough to pull off a video that is just a continuous face shot. Enjoy!

PSA: We're not angry anymore!

At least I am not! There is this ongoing media fueled notion that every time a black man and a white woman cross the paths of a sistah they must fear for their lives. Or worse that the black woman will go on some type of tyrade on how he should be ashamed and SHE "aint nothing but a gold digging white hussy tryna 'steal our men'!" Sound familiar? Well hate to break the news but, for the most part black women....really don't care. I know, I know, a SHOCKER, especially since the way we're portrayed in the media indicates otherwise.

In real life, real life black women have more to worry about or care about than SOMEBODY else's relationship. And even if the skin color of brother man's girl may be fair, it is quite and unfair judgement to assume that because he found love with another race he somehow hates his own. This may be the case sometimes, but in others it simply ISN'T. My younger brother had a hot and heavy thing with a white girl in high school, and a couple of other white girlfriends and still thinks that myself and my mother and my sister are the most beautiful things in the world. Making sweeping generalizations about a person's character because of their choice in mate, or something as shallow as skin color is a recipe for disaster. I hear sisters go on and on about how the "black man" is "choosing" other races of women outside of their own. And as someone who completely endorses and supports black love I definitely feel there is a complex with a man of any race who USES WOMEN as a status symbol or just an exercising of his right to all 32 flavors. But I am definitely more of a fan of LOVE than a person who is particular about what shade it comes in.

Real love, is a beautiful thing. And if I, my sister, my aunt or the random sistah on the street were to choose to date outside of there "race", I'd be totally supportive and understanding. Same goes to any brother. As long as intentions are pure and love is true. Nothing should be a hindrance to a man or woman finding love. Color notwithstanding!!!!

And random brother on the street I have yet to meet and your non-black wife or girlfriend, this is one black woman you can rest assured will smile and your direction and keep moving in my own.

I Wanna Be Like HER when I grow Up!

So on a lighter note I'd like to introduce a weekly feature that will feature a sister that I admire and think will be a driving influence in my life and also the world. They won't just be celebrities but poets and dancers and business women and just women in general that I admire. First up is my girl Erykah Badu aka E.Badu aka Lowdown Loretta Brown aka Analog Girl in a Digital World. She is a queen to me. A truth speaker and a rebel Ms. Badu has been putting it down for many years now. I dig her strength and her honesty as well her continued struggle to be the woman she has grown into. And with that I'll leave you with a lil' taste of the queen doin her thang!

To Believe or Not to Believe????

Ok so I had a whole bunch of vapid celebrity news and candid photos that I was gonna post on but my conscience won't let me do it. I have to speak if for no other reason than that most believe people my age, people of my generation, are somehow blind and stupid to the things that go on. And I 'm here to tell them that we're not!

So I was on one of my favorite bloggers sites, (she's on of the people I aspire to be like someday) Necole Bitchie, one of the most popular urban pop culture and gossip blogs there is and I got a glimpse of what is to be Kanye's new video for his forthcoming single "Power".



Now I must warn you before you watch it there are parts of it that disturbed me and partial nudity. *sigh* I have wonder when an artist such as Kanye feels as if they are gonna come out with a video that it must be so suggestive. Knowing what I know about the music industry I doubt he had any control at ALL on these images and if he did he wasn't the final say, ergo his absence from the making of the film.

There's a heated discussion going on within the industry and with us the buying public about how much is too much with the dark images that have seem to as of late inundate pop culture. I feel that when something occurs with consistent regularity it can no longer be called coincidence or an "accident". There is very common and scary theme of devil worship, evil and occult spirits in these videos. How many can look at the images this director has created and not see the religious and spiritual connotations. I am not one who damns everything that is not Christian as somehow blasphemous, nor do I endorse that all occult practices are somehow evil in nature, but THIS IS! And so is this......



and a slew of other "artistic" videos featuring devils horns, and contorted evil imagery. If it's "just an image" why not choose a good one, a happy one, a peaceful one. Am I supposed to believe that these things have nothing to do with each other? What do you believe? I am an educated and informed person who knows better than to just consume blindly anything given to me ( no matter the source) but my thirteen year old sister is not. Neither are the countless other YOUNG IMPRESSIONABLE MINDS out there. If anything, don't be ignorant in your consumption. Inform yourself and inform others. Explain what things mean and sometimes just sometimes...you got to turn the damn thing off. No matter how much you like the beat.

What to do if your a diva on a budget?

Ok so we've all been there, or most. There you are thumbing through the latest magazine, lusting after the fabulous clothes and beautiful shoes and you realize...I cant afford any of this crap! And outside of a privileged few most cant! So what to do if you have the aspirations to be a diva al'a Kimora Lee and on have the budget of a few spare coins????

The answer I've found is improvising. And bargain shopping. Can you get it cheaper online? Do it! What about someplace that gives crazy discounts because of overstocking? To the frugalista do not fret and don't feel inferior to those who can afford all those fru fru department store prices. *quiet as it's kept they can't afford them either* The main thing a diva must have is attitude. You must work your stuff like your the baddest thing walking!!! If your dress cost 500 dollars, 50 dollars, or five you should have confidence in yourself. That and that alone makes you a hot mama. Every woman loves shopping or at the very least feeling attractive. Whatever small amount of effort it takes, make sure you feel good and look good.

And though I don't encourage splurging, if there's one thing you reeeaaaaallly want and you know, just KNOW its out of budget. Save for it! Put a picture of it on your wall, go and try it out whatever it is, a fly pair of shoes, that really expensive handbag or maybe that designer perfume. Whatever it happens to be don't wait your whole life scraping and scrounging and never make sure you take care of you! But ladies please be sensible. If the shoe cost more than your car payment, or lord forbid your RENT, back away slowly. Debt is a evil little monster that grows on impulse buying.

Make sure the bills are paid on time but always always find a penny or two to make YOU FLYY! Cuz there's only one you and diva, your so worth it!

Is it safe to say there is no Mr. Right?

Every time I turn on the TV or look into a magazine or listen to the radio there is someone claiming to be an expert on how to find the "right" guy. As if there is a cookie cutter prototype of what a "good man" looks like, or how much money he makes, or what he should look like, or where he should live. I am here to tell you said man doesn't exist. At least not the way it does in the average woman psyche.

Simply think of how different you and the sistah you see in the mall are. Just think of the different lives we all lead and how varied our tastes and lifestyles are. How could there possibly be one type of man for all us? If you think of it in that way, it sounds almost absurd. I personally believe that every single person on this earth has one person, or several persons but if your lucky one single person who balances and fits their lifestyle and their personal believe system quite nicely. And it has nothing to do with the size of that person's bank account or how asymmetrical their features are. Not wholly, simply because those things are quite superficial. They do not have much to do with what really attracts you to a nice person.

I've noticed a sickeningly profuse trend of making black women feel like they have the plague and will die alone. Everywhere you turn there's a talk show, a CNN special or a book telling you you're single, your lonely, deal with it! I, for one, think that's a bunch of malarkey. How can you make an ignorant, blanketed statement like that about such a vast amount of people. Every time someone spouts one of those stupid statistics I always ask them where they got it from and if I can cross reference the pool of "black women" polled for such silly statistics. Cuz it aint everybody! There is no perfect man, set out on his white horse with cape in tow ready to save and betroth every single young lady on the face of the planet.

Men are just people like us! Why would you burden a man, whether real or imagined with the task of being your "everything". Even the best man could never be that. One should instead fill their life with friends and laughter and platonic friendships both male and female and learn to live, instead of crossing your fingers and toes waiting for Mr. Right to arrive. Or using all your well learned tricks and advice to go sluth him out. Stop looking at the physical, both financial and appearance wise, to weed out a "good man". Your good man may be a garbage man, or may right now be unemployed. Yes there are good men that are "unemployed", every man without a job is a broke down buster. A man with integrity, with ambition, with drive and with morals. That's Mr.Right to me? Yours could be someone adventurous, witty and who loves cats? Who am I to tell you, or any one else? Just make sure your happy and that will be all that matters.

Ummm ok????

Oh Montana, Montana MONTANA! *heaves a heavy sigh*

So apparently Montana Fishburne, daughter to Laurence Fishburne is going to the business of showing her business. I know another little black girl lost right? As much as it pains me to see this young sistah or any young sister go out and exploit herself sexually or otherwise I got another little bone to pick with Ms.Montana. Ummm mam, your RICH, or at least your father is and has been since you where a little girl. That to me is like Rudy from the Huxtable's thinking it's a swell idea to go and be a stripper. Outside of some adolescent feeling of rebellion for WHY mami??????

And you know what else burns my bridges this woman (little girl) had the nerve to say that her reasoning for going into porn is to follow on the heels of Kim Kardashian. KIM KARDASHIAN?!?!? Not Michelle Obama, not Oprah, not even Tyra Banks...KIM Kar-freaking-dashian. Let me explain something to you. One, she is no role model, she may have lucked out because of her beauty and her family ties but that's not a formula that you should follow. Two Kim Kardashian's sex tape was leaked, whereas you are a willing participant is a porn star FILM! Though I'm sure Ms.K has something to do with her tawdry tape hitting the fan it wasn't until her family spun huge damage control and she did some other not so tawdry things that she got famous. Oh my dear, there's so much wrong with your thinking I don't even know where to start.

The girl is gorgeous and if she wanted to model, she could do so LEGITIMATELY! You have the pull why don't you use it. What is the world coming to when beautiful brown girls think the only way to "make it" is to get naked and have sex for the world to see. SMH. What if her dad had taken that thought process....*shudders at the thought*. Classiness needs to make a comback....STAT!

First comes love.........

So clearly this has been a busy weekend in the world of celebrity love. Both famed rapper T.I and his boo and Alicia Keys and producer Swizz Beats tied the knot. Ahhh amore.

But their unions have had their share of scandal. And it begs the question, does love really follow the traditional rules anymore??? I mean honestly do people run into their soul mates at just the right time, when everything in their life is perfect and then fall in love THEN get married THEN have kids? I mean, I don't know about you but outside of a fairytale book I don't know many love stories that go that way. And some of those who do it the "right" way, still don't always live happily ever after. #justsayin.

Everyone wants to throw stones at my girl Alicia because she fell in love with someone who was already married. I mean, not to condone what their falling in love caused in a way of pain to his ex-wife but if it was meant to be well...then it just was. *ducks as the riot ensues* I mean I know first hand what it's like to be in love with someone else's man. And no, I didn't get pregnant and then marry him but still. If we had made it down the aisle I wouldn't of wanted to hear women hissing and trying to bring shade on our union. How can I put this delicately.... ISH happens!! People fall in love and OUT of it.

Yes marriage in theory is supposed to last forever. But sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes you can fall in love at what seems like the most inopportune time (i.e while your still involved with someone else). I, personally think that there are a ton of situations similar to Mrs.Beatz situation. But unlike her most take the path of least resistance and choose to bow out. I, included. But don't knock the girl for finding love. It's a rare and beautiful thing when it's real. So don't hate congratulate. As for my boy Tip and his wifey...all I have to say is *Madea voice* It's about damn time, hell!

Harpo, where U BEEN??????

So I know if you were reading this wonderful blog sometime last year you had to wonder...Hey! What happened. Did I fall off the edge of the world? Did I die? Did I move out of the civilized world to a place where there are no computers?????

The answer to all those questions are no! I simply got really busy with life. Like most of society working and living got to be too much for this lass. And though I took a vacation from it, I always thought about my little blog. It always stayed in my heart. And I knew one day I'd come back to it and make it bigger and better than ever. And that day has come. The second day of August of the year two thousand and ten. I'M BACK and i will make sure to make this here blog one of thought and love and truth and give ya'll the real. Straight up, no chaser. There's always some mess going on with the world and leave it to me to talk about it. It's the world through the view of a twenty something year old black woman living in America in the city of Atlanta and all the things that I think...and consequently let come out of my mouth. Come join me on this journey. It's sure to be a great one!